Someone is STILL Stealing My Newspaper

August 24, 2009 by

Someone is STILL stealing my newspaper.

I’m starting to wonder if I’ve moved into a scary netherworld, whether all the stories you hear about how wonderful the suburbs are because of their safety and security is just a lie, a scam. That really the suburbs are filled with cheap people who steal your newspaper.

So no New York Times again this morning, second time this week. We seemed to be doing well the last few weeks, but now my paper thief has returned. Maybe, like in all those Law and Order episodes, what’s happened is that he was in jail for the past few weeks, and has been thereby unable to steal my paper. But now he’s been released, and he needs his Frank Rich fix. I wonder if I can get my local police department to do a search of people who’ve been in jail for just the past month or so, and were recently released, and live in my building. That’s probably a lot of bother.

What’s worse is that they keep stealing the SUNDAY paper, not the weekday. Maybe they’re a big (and deeply ironic) fan of the “Ethicist” in the Sunday magazine. But as much as I hate someone stealing my weekday paper, it’s worse on the weekend because you have to go buy the replacement paper at retail and get all the Sunday sections, even those sections that came in the Saturday paper the day before. So I have to go pay $4 for a paper that I’ve already half-read. And on top of that, the Times will only reimburse me for like $2, which is the prorated value of the Sunday paper.

You would think that this wouldn’t bother me so much, but, well, things apparently bother me a lot. I should talk to someone about that. But, man, there’s nothing worse than throwing on some shorts, getting your coffee, and walking downstairs to get your paper only to find an empty table.

I’ll keep you updated, because I know this is just as important to you.

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Filed Under: Living in the Suburbs, My Life in the Suburbs Tagged With: ,

Someone is stealing my newspaper

August 3, 2009 by

I think someone is stealing my newspaper.

I can’t be sure. The New York Times delivery department might be lying to me when I call them every morning to yell at them for not delivering my paper. They keep telling me they’re delivering it, so every morning I schlep downstairs to get the paper, and no paper. So then I call and yell at them. And they tell me they’re delivering it, and the vicious cycle starts again.

In the most recent call, I got the distinct impression that the nice woman from Omaha or Bengladesh or wherever was insinuating that I was being a little unreasonable. Something about the “oh, I see you’ve been calling multiple times every day” comment that she made. I then pointed out to her that maybe it wasn’t the best idea for the Times to get me too used to reading the online version for free, what with the death of newspapers and all.

So I’m not sure what’s happening. Either the New York Times is lying to me — and who can imagine such a thing after, you know, Jayson Blair and Judith Warner– or one of my new neighbors is stealing my paper.

Which is funny, because for 15 years the Times delivered its paper to my front door in big bad Manhattan, leaving it right on the front stoop out there on the street. And in 15 years, I didn’t get the paper maybe 5 times. Even though all someone had to do to steal it was walk up about 6 stairs, grab it, and then saunter off. So now I’ve lived in the suburbs for about a week, and my paper has disappeared every day.

My conclusion: people in the suburbs are crooks.

Alternate conclusion: the people in my building are excited about the new “free paper” they find every day in the lobby, and don’t realize its mine.

Alternate conclusion #2: Jayson Blair has been moved to the home delivery department.

I’ll keep you updated.

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Filed Under: Living in the Suburbs, My Life in the Suburbs Tagged With: , ,

Why am I leaving Manhattan for the suburbs– I un-heart NYC???

April 19, 2009 by

Someone pointed me to two articles in the Sunday Post, asking if I was leaving because I am bearish on Manhattan, the real estate, or the general economy.  The first is a Post review of an economic report saying that New York is dead last in something called “economic outlook.” The Post calls it non-partisan, but it was written by the guy who created supply-side economics, so I think it’s probably got a viewpoint.

The second one is by Peggy Noonan, predicting a downsized world, where people forego cable and the internet and raise pigs and some such stuff.

And then the Post profiles a bunch of people who are leaving Manhattan to go to parts far away.  Places like Minnesota and West Virginia. 

Okay, let me make this clear. That’s not me. 

I’m not moving to West Virginia.

I’m not going to raise pigs.

More importantly, I’m not down on Manhattan.  Far from it.  I hate leaving.  Yes, I think that Manhattan real estate is probably going to go down in value for a period of time, although I priced my home to get it sold so I think my buyer got a pretty good deal. But that’s not why I’m leaving.

I’m leaving because I work out in the suburbs, and I’ve been commuting out there for seven years, and it’s finally gotten to me.  Plus, the stairs.  The damned stairs.  More about the stairs another time.

But I love Manhattan. And if it becomes a little more affordable for people, I think that’s a good thing.

Filed Under: Advice, Living in Manhattan, Moving to the Suburbs, My Life in the Suburbs, SUMA Lifestyle Tagged With: , ,